I haven’t written a blog in a while because I couldn’t come up with a topic that is light-hearted but with passion behind it that was guaranteed to keep readers intrigued to the very end. Keep your hopes high and your expectations low. Recently, it has come to my attention that I may know more about first dates than your average girl. Not because I am particularly popular or irresistible to men, or as some people choose to believe that I am just bad at saying no. More likely it is because I believe that everyone deserves a chance and why would I pass on someone before finding out how incredible they are, even if it isn‘t my particular brand of incredible. At least that’s what I tell myself. This type of thinking has given me some great dates, and some… well, let’s say great stories. I am going to avoid the age-old questions such as to-kiss-or-not-to-kiss? And who pays? And what does my mother mean when she says no one wants to buy the ice cream truck when you’re handing out the popsicles for free? Instead I will focus mainly on dissecting the different date scenarios and how each one will almost inevitably end in disappointment for one or both participants.
Disclaimer: My family is guaranteed to read this and it may result in some omissions on my part. Also, there may be some potential dates lurking out there and I don’t want to give away all my secrets.
In my experience there are 2 categories of first dates with 3 possible outcomes for each. The categories are for people who you have been acquainted with and the second category is for strangers. Commonly known as the ‘blind-date’. Each type of date has the possibility of ending well for both parties, only one party, or neither of you are satisfied and you feel as though you have wasted an evening. But do not despair! It was not wasted, with my tips you can make sure that you come away with something positive from every date. Even if it is solely the knowledge that you never want to go on another date with that person.
Acquaintance dates are the hardest to approach, because no matter what happens this is no longer just ‘hanging out’ and your relationship will change. This is true whether you are best friends for life and were born on the same day in the same hospital and your mom‘s went to pre and post-natal yoga together, or you talked to him once at a party and found out that he is Kathy’s brother’s friend who is only in town for a weekend and is totally rad and definitely bad news. So whichever one of these it is the best case scenario is that you instantly fall in love and become completely devoted to each other for the rest of your lives. Which is a fairly large change as well as highly unlikely. The flower of your undying love would have had the consideration to blossom already. If you have known each other for a significant period of time, scenario two is much more plausible. It is likely that one of you has been harbouring feelings and finally decides to act on them at which point they realize that the other side of their dynamic duo does not feel the same way. There is no take-backs once you make it a date. You may try to act as if it just strengthens the bond between you now that you know there is no mutual romantic attraction. But one of you will always be wondering if they are being hit on and the other one will always be wondering why their feelings aren’t reciprocated. The entire relationship will end up fizzling and dying out. So, the best you can hope for is you both realize that there are only completely platonic feelings between you, but then why did you even try to go on a date? The moral of the story is to please use caution when asking a friend on a date. The odds are not in your favour.
Blind dates are tricky because while there are less expectations that it will actually work out, you have to spend an entire evening with this person and they may end up being harder to get rid of than gum nailed to the bottom of your shoe. So approach with caution. When entering a blind date it is crucial that you remember there is definitely a reason these people can’t get dates on their own. They may be boring or crude or just downright unpleasant and you need to be prepared with a chipper attitude to be able to get through it at all. The most important thing though is to never, I repeat NEVER, turn the criticism around and wonder to yourself why it is that you are being set up on a blind date instead of already being in a committed relationship, because you are obviously flawless and just doing a friend a favour. Definitely convince yourself of that. The best thing you can get out of a blind date (since stimulating conversation is out) is a night away from surfing the net and maybe a great story you can tell your friends. If you go into a blind date with that attitude they will *sometimes* exceed your expectations and it won’t seem like such a bad night. Just don’t journal it because you will go back one day and wonder why the fact that he did not once blow his nose into the cloth napkin was such a turn on.
Yes, I may seem like a pessimist. Just remember, no matter how badly the first date may have gone the second date is almost guaranteed to go better. So go out there! Get your own first date stories, and if the stars align one day you will prove my cynicism wrong.
